A real friend will try to like your boyfriend five times.

 

{At least that's what Mindy Kaling says}

I have been a fan of "The Office" from the beginning. I have most of the seasons on DVD and have seen each episode several times. The show always made me laugh. Watching the show, I would have told you Jim and Pam were the driving force bringing me back each week. The other characters were engaging enough, but substandard in my eyes. Kelly Kapoor, despite sharing my first name, never crossed my mind when I thought about the show.

Last week, however, I began to view Kelly in a different light. I finished reading Mindy Kaling's (the actress who plays Kelly Kapoor in the Office) book, Is everyone hanging out without me and other concerns. Somewhere between her rant about the staple items a man should have in his closet and her monologues about being single in the city, I suddenly had the desire to go re-watch my favorite Office episodes and give Mindy's character the attention she deserved. Her honesty in her book is brilliant, hilarious, and all too true to life.

I am convinced that Mindy Kaling and I would be friends. As I learned reading Mindy's book, if we were to be real friends there are several things I would have to hold to, or as Mindy calls them, "Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities." While I was reading this particular chapter, I was at one of my favorite local coffee shops alone, and much to my dismay, I am afraid, drawing attention as I laughed to myself. You probably know by now I view any attention pointed in my direction in a negative light. I won't list all of them, but here are a few of Mindy's "Friendship responsibilities":

"I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me.

I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry. 

IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.   

I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment." 

As much as I laughed reading these, I couldn't help but think I would have to add a few on myself.

I WILL GET LOST AND YOU CAN'T GET MAD ABOUT IT
There is a 98% chance I will get lost or make a wrong turn on the way to our destination. I fully expect you to correct me, and promise to (hardly ever) get offended. I am directionally challenged, and no I can not and will not eventually "learn" my way around town. The word "friend" in my car is synonymous with "personal gps".

I WILL OVER-ANALYZE YOUR (AND MY) LIFE WITH YOU
Let's face it, we both know that conversation you or I had with so and so meant absolutely nothing and that "friend b" across the room wasn't making a personal statement against us by what he/she did or said. However, we are not ready to come to grips with reality. I will be there to discuss that one sentence that one person said for hours up on end. Everything that happens means something, right?

 Friendship is such a huge part of life. People come in and out of our lives, and when it comes down to it, we are all looking for connections. We are relational beings. We are wired with the desire to love and be loved in return.What are we really looking for, and expecting from the friendships we long for?

If we are honest with ourselves, at first glance, we want friends who will always take our side, hold the same values we do, and who will threaten to slit the tires of anyone who treats us poorly (disclaimer: I never have and never will actually do that). We want to feel comfortable, and we want to feel justified in our feelings. We seek like minded friends.

Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

What does that really mean? Sharpen one another? As much as I want to be justified in my thoughts and emotions, I know that isn't always what I need. I so often give out justification just as freely as I take it, knowing it is what the other party is looking for. We aren't doing eachother any favors though. 

Thankfully, God has blessed me with friends who have lived out and shown me what this verse is really talking about. He has placed people in my life who call me to pray with me over the phone. I have people in my life who are bold enough stop me mid-rant and ask if I have prayed about the situation and refuse to continue the conversation if I haven't. And though I don't always want to hear it in the moment, a word of rebuke from a friend in love speaks through the heart of the Lord.

Though I don't mind a pat on the back every once in a while, it's those moments in which I am challenged and pushed out of my comfort zone in the direction of the Lord that I see friendship deepen and grow. The Lord created friendships, and I think He wants to be at the center of what he created. Where the Lord is, there is strength, blessing, and boundless joy to be found.

Let's face it. You probably will raid your friend's closet a time or two. or ten. Friendship won't always be just desserts (anyone catch the Maggie Smith Downton reference?). Friends are there to lean on in the good times and through the bad and to laugh our way through the times in between. Through all the long conversations, wrong turns, and vent sessions, don't forget who gave you the relationship. Don't forget to invite Him to be a part of it.

I don't think "like minded" has to mean a friend who agrees with everything you say. Seek friends that are like-minded in the sense that they, too, are seeking the Lord and helping you press on in His direction. Seek friends that challenge you, inspire you, and aren't afraid to give you that gentle nudge when you get off track. Seek that kind of friend. Be that kind of friend.

As much as Mindy Kaling's frienship etiquette often rings true, I hope that those I surround myself with will hold me to a higher standard than a self-composed list. But let's be real. For future reference, if you have to try to like my boyfriend five times, you probably should tell me to dump him anyways.