I won't do it. I refuse.

It's here. The end. Well, the end of the calendar year anyways. It's time to go out with a hoorah. Tie up your loose ends. Leave your mistakes in the past. Surround yourself with those you hold dear, put on some cheesy glasses, reminisce, and make a toast that counts.

The hopeless romantic in me can't help to link most major holidays to movie scenes, and while Christmas movies take the cake, I have to give a shout out to the New Years Eve scenes that are there but are often overshadowed. For the 80's and 90's romantic comedy aficionados out there, maybe you are hoping for a passionate profession of love as the clock strikes 12 rivaling Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal's performance in When Harry Met Sally.  Or, in a more recent blockbuster, perhaps you'll end up as Lea Michele stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher. Personally, I wouldn't wish that kind of  New Years Eve on you. I can think of about a thousand other people I would want to get stuck in an elevator with before Ashton. I would prefer to stick with the Billy Crystal scenario. Personal opinion. Anyways. 

Say goodbye to 2012, because despite popular belief, the Mayan Calendar interpretation marking our impending doom December 22 did not prove to be true, and tomorrow marks a new beginning. 2013.

Looking back, as any year does, 2012 held its ups and downs. My memory may not be the best, but lucky for me, I document most events in my life through photographs, allowing what my memory lacks to be filled in with digital images. 2012 marked my first full calendar year in Tulsa. People I met in 2012 are now some of the dearest friendships I hold in my heart and know I will for years to come. I said goodbye to my precious grandmother in August as she left us for her heavenly home. This year I got to celebrate my niece's 2nd birthday and my wonderful grandfather's 80th birthday (can't wait for your 79th next year). I successfully cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner with a little help from my pal Ree. I moved to an apartment by myself. I had the honor of being a part of two friend's weddings and attending even more. I started attending LifeChurch on a weekly basis. I started serving in in a class of four year olds every Sunday who now have my heart. I got to be a part of two amazing small groups, and I more recently started serving in the youth at my church. And how could I forget, as an Southern woman should, I learned to fry chicken.

As we all look back on our 364 yesterdays, we can all rest assured that tomorrow we can take our new calendar out of its wrapper, open it up, and see a fresh, blank page. The first day of a new year holds so much possibility. No regrets yet to add to this year's list. No bridges burned, no yearly weight yet gained, etc. However, as history would show it, the clock ticks, and calendar pages turn, allowing us plenty of time to fill in all those blank spaces with the ramifications of our daily decisions. How do we attempt to stop this natural process? Resolutions.

A trusty Google search brought up the most common New Years resolutions. Most of the lists included things like losing weight, being a "better person", fixing financial problems, joining a gym, enjoying life more (how vague can you get?), quitting addictive habits, etc.

I have never been one to make New Years resolutions, but I am always curious to hear what others have decided to do. I do have a bucket list, but I hardly think that counts for the same category, considering most of the things on my bucket list will not be accomplished for five or more years. If you want the details on my list, we will have to talk. You share your list with me, and I'll (maybe) share mine with you.

Back to resolutions.  A few weeks ago, as I started thinking about the upcoming year, I wondered what my resolutions would be if I made any. As I thought about it, I began to realize that even though I never  seem to have a list of "new years resolutions", I collectively throughout the year have a semblance of unnamed resolutions I carry for myself. We all have them. We set goals. We have preconceived notions of where our lives should be at certain landmark points. We see the changes we need to make in our lives on a daily basis. We decide what our lives should look like and what we "deserve" and begin to make our own path to get there.

The more I think about 2013, the more I become firm in my decision. I am not making New Year's Resolutions. I won't do it. I refuse. If I was really living my life the way I should be, I wouldn't need to resolve. Don't take this the wrong way. If you are making resolutions, I think that's great and I really do want to hear about them. My decision to not resolve lies solely in my personal recognition of my constant decision to place trust in my plans over God's. In my world, a resolution is too close of a semblance to a to do list. We all know how much I love a list and crossing things off.

At church yesterday, the pastor challenged us to stop and ask God what he wants to do with our lives and how He wants to use us in 2013. In the time I spend praying, I too often forget that it's a two way conversation. I spend plenty of time telling, but not enough time asking and listening. When the pastor gave that challenge, I began to wonder the answer I would get if I really sought God for his response.

What if I chose to trust God with the areas of my life that I know I try to control? It's easy to trust him with most things, but we all have those certain things that are harder to let go of. What if I let go, really let go, of my preconceived notions about what my life should be and let God fill in the blanks? This year I am praying for a change in heart, for a life change, and the ability to relinquish all.

This year, I resolve to not resolve any more. I resolve to stop looking to myself, and ask God instead. I resolve to trust in His plan.

However you are choosing to usher in the New Year, this evening as the clock strikes 12, and tomorrow as you hang your New calendar, resolutions or not, I wish you all a joyous new year. One filled with hope, answered prayers, love, and trust. And maybe even a monologue or two that change your life. Who says that all has to be saved for holiday movie scenes anyways?

Brown paper packages tied up with string

On Friday morning, along with the rest of my errands, I made a trip to one of my favorite places. I have a feeling this particular place may not rank high on most of your lists, especially during the holidays.

The United States Post Office.

The US establishment most love to hate. There are a few things you can be sure to find at almost any given Postal establishment during the month of December. To name a couple:
-  Foot-tapper Terry- a "Terry" will generally have several characteristics and ticks that will allow you to pick her out in the line immediately. She may or may not tap her foot, look at her watch, turn her head in every direction to make sure everyone in the front and back of the line knows how irritated she is to be waiting, and release a good number of frustrated sighs before reaching the front of the line to weigh her package and move on her way.
- Halting Harry- "Harry" is most often in line right in front of you. He reaches the front of the line, and you see the bright light at the end of the tunnel that is your wait. However, Harry forgot his debit card pin number, doesn't know the zip code he left off his package, and answers his cell phone in the middle of the check out process.

And then there's me. Post offices rank up pretty close to bookstores, libraries, and airports in my book. If you know me at all, that's saying quite a bit. Unlike a bookstore, I don't love a post office for the smell or the look, but more the general air and the actions the building facilitates.

There's not much that compares to getting something in the mail. Not an email, not a message through social media (don't even get me started on that), but a physically stamped envelope or package. Holding an envelope with a handwritten address brings a smile to my face like not much else can. I love getting mail, and I love sending it. I love the intentionality and the connectivity.

Sending and receiving mail is a dying art, as evidenced in layoffs in the industry in recent years, the rise of online bill pay, and the soaring success of social media outlets, text messaging, and smart phones. Convenience is king, and unfortunately, postal parcels don't fall under that category for most.

When I stand in line at a post office, I can't help but look around at the envelopes and packages my fellow peers in line carry. I wonder what's inside each sealed package, where it's going, and who is going to be on the receiving end.

I may not have the answers to those questions, but I do know one thing. Someone took the time and made it a priority to address an envelope or seal a box to make sure the item they are holding would be delivered to the intended recipient. Convenience goes out the window when you are standing in a line of Harrys and Terrys in my opinion. But it's more than worth it.

In general, should relationships and connections really be about convenience though? Our society seems to think so. A text message trumps a phone call which trumps an in person conversation. Almost any of those things would happen before someone would fork over a whopping 45 cents to mail a handwritten letter. I am not saying technology is bad. I use it, probably as much or more than most. That doesn't mean I love it though. Technological communication is obviously the way our society is moving. We should use it, and we almost have to in order to be a functioning member of society.

I don't think that means we have to throw out the old methods of communication though. I have been told many times, even this week, that I am an old soul, but just hear me out. Just because we can text doesn't mean we shouldn't pick up the phone to make a call every once in a while. Quality time is not replaceable by keeping up with the Browns through their Facebook timeline. And don't underestimate the ability of a handwritten letter and the effect it has on the heart.

Today after work, I went to my mailbox and was pleasantly surprised to find a hand addressed red envelope waiting for me. I immediately recognized the return address to belong to one of my dearest friends. I was a bit confused before I opened the envelope, seeing as she had already given me a Christmas card last week. However, when I opened the card, a smile immediately came to my face. She had said she knew she had already given me one Christmas card, but wanted to make sure I received one through the Postal system. Talk about intentionality.

This past week, in light of recent national tragedy, I think we all have stopped to evaluate the importance of those God has blessed us with and the fragility of time and life. Too often, I take my friendships and relationships for granted. There is so much beauty in the individuality and spirit God has placed within each of us to make us who we are.

Take time to relish that beauty in those you hold dear. Take the time to get to know those around you. Ask about their life, share in their struggles, and rejoice with them through God's blessings. Make that phone call. Ensure that quality time is a priority. Seal up that package. Share the love God has placed in your heart.

I have heard it said that life is meant to be lived. In addition, I think it is meant to be shared. Be real. Be intentional. Take the time to share love and share life. You won't regret it.

Play it again

Driving to work this past week, I realized something. I have a tick. I am a music repeater. If that isn't a thing, I just made it one.

On my daily drive, even if I put my iTunes on shuffle, I end up listening to the ten most recent songs I have purchased on repeat, skipping over all of the rest, even though they may have once made the cut. Saying there are ten songs on my driving playlist might even be too generous. It would be more accurate to say that I listen to the same five songs on repeat during my commute. Every day. They are that good.

My repeat list currently includes Florida Georgia Line "Cruise", some She & Him Christmas music, and a few acoustic nobodies I won't mention because you probably wouldn't know who I am talking about anyways. They may be nobodies to you, but everybody is somebody, and their songs make me smile so they are somebody to me. I'll save the topic of my eclectic mellow music taste for another day.

My play it again mentality carries over into other areas of my life, too. When I was growing up, I loved to watch the same movie multiple in times in one sitting. Once the movie was finished (more often than not it was the Parent Trap or a Mary-Kate & Ashley gem), I would get up, pop our the VHS tape (remember those?), put it in the rewinder, and start the process all over again. 

Even now, in the past week, I may have watched White Christmas three times, and Love Actually is on its way to the multiples list.

While listening to my current driving playlist yesterday, I started to think. What tracks am I choosing to play over and over again in my day to day life?

Too often, I get stuck on a playlist that might as well be titled "ME" (the capital letters are necessary). Some of the tracks might be titled worry, selfishness, fear, and doubt.  I am constantly reminded that with the Lord, I don't have to worry, that life is about serving others, and that I have no need to fear. However, even though I recognize these as things that shouldn't be a part of my life, I sometimes choose to leave them on repeat anyways, and soon they become the song that I sing through my actions and words.

Earlier this week, I once again was reminded that we aren't called to live life with our playlist. We are called to live life to a different tune.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thes. 5:16

Joy, Prayer, and Thankfulness.

Our natural tendency is to  be joyful when it's easy to be, pray when we feel like it or think about it, and give thanks when everything is going our way.  

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances"

As the holidays approach, it's so easy to get caught up in our own agendas, busy schedules, our shopping lists, and any stress we allow to come along with all of it. We put a big "ME" stamp on our agendas and march to the tune of a playlist we have compiled ourselves. 

What if we chose to change our perspective and our tune?

What if we felt the joy of the season, joy that can only come from the one who gave us the greatest gift of all? What if we really stopped and prayed, prayed for the world, those we know and those we don't, and prayed for God to give us His heart during the holidays and throughout the year? What if we took this time to stop and be thankful for all we have been blessed with and those we love that we are surrounded by instead of rushing through the time we have been given?

This year, especially through the holidays, I am praying for joy, a prayerful attitude, and thankfulness. I want them to be my song in my heart and lift my step.
 
The more I think about it, the more I realize what Paul was talking about. If we are truly living and dwelling in the Lord, of course we are going to rejoice always. God is always good and always present. Why wouldn't we pray continually? God answers prayers and is faithful. And once we  actually stop to realize all we have been blessed with, thankfulness should naturally flow from our mouths.

Living in the Spirit, joy, prayer, and thankfulness will become our natural tune. The perfect playlist. One we won't be able to wait to play over and over again.