The hopeless romantic in me can't help to link most major holidays to movie scenes, and while Christmas movies take the cake, I have to give a shout out to the New Years Eve scenes that are there but are often overshadowed. For the 80's and 90's romantic comedy aficionados out there, maybe you are hoping for a passionate profession of love as the clock strikes 12 rivaling Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal's performance in When Harry Met Sally. Or, in a more recent blockbuster, perhaps you'll end up as Lea Michele stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher. Personally, I wouldn't wish that kind of New Years Eve on you. I can think of about a thousand other people I would want to get stuck in an elevator with before Ashton. I would prefer to stick with the Billy Crystal scenario. Personal opinion. Anyways.
Say goodbye to 2012, because despite popular belief, the Mayan Calendar interpretation marking our impending doom December 22 did not prove to be true, and tomorrow marks a new beginning. 2013. Looking back, as any year does, 2012 held its ups and downs. My memory may not be the best, but lucky for me, I document most events in my life through photographs, allowing what my memory lacks to be filled in with digital images. 2012 marked my first full calendar year in Tulsa. People I met in 2012 are now some of the dearest friendships I hold in my heart and know I will for years to come. I said goodbye to my precious grandmother in August as she left us for her heavenly home. This year I got to celebrate my niece's 2nd birthday and my wonderful grandfather's 80th birthday (can't wait for your 79th next year). I successfully cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner with a little help from my pal Ree. I moved to an apartment by myself. I had the honor of being a part of two friend's weddings and attending even more. I started attending LifeChurch on a weekly basis. I started serving in in a class of four year olds every Sunday who now have my heart. I got to be a part of two amazing small groups, and I more recently started serving in the youth at my church. And how could I forget, as an Southern woman should, I learned to fry chicken.
As we all look back on our 364 yesterdays, we can all rest assured that tomorrow we can take our new calendar out of its wrapper, open it up, and see a fresh, blank page. The first day of a new year holds so much possibility. No regrets yet to add to this year's list. No bridges burned, no yearly weight yet gained, etc. However, as history would show it, the clock ticks, and calendar pages turn, allowing us plenty of time to fill in all those blank spaces with the ramifications of our daily decisions. How do we attempt to stop this natural process? Resolutions.
A trusty Google search brought up the most common New Years resolutions. Most of the lists included things like losing weight, being a "better person", fixing financial problems, joining a gym, enjoying life more (how vague can you get?), quitting addictive habits, etc.
I have never been one to make New Years resolutions, but I am always curious to hear what others have decided to do. I do have a bucket list, but I hardly think that counts for the same category, considering most of the things on my bucket list will not be accomplished for five or more years. If you want the details on my list, we will have to talk. You share your list with me, and I'll (maybe) share mine with you.
Back to resolutions. A few weeks ago, as I started thinking about the upcoming year, I wondered what my resolutions would be if I made any. As I thought about it, I began to realize that even though I never seem to have a list of "new years resolutions", I collectively throughout the year have a semblance of unnamed resolutions I carry for myself. We all have them. We set goals. We have preconceived notions of where our lives should be at certain landmark points. We see the changes we need to make in our lives on a daily basis. We decide what our lives should look like and what we "deserve" and begin to make our own path to get there.
The more I think about 2013, the more I become firm in my decision. I am not making New Year's Resolutions. I won't do it. I refuse. If I was really living my life the way I should be, I wouldn't need to resolve. Don't take this the wrong way. If you are making resolutions, I think that's great and I really do want to hear about them. My decision to not resolve lies solely in my personal recognition of my constant decision to place trust in my plans over God's. In my world, a resolution is too close of a semblance to a to do list. We all know how much I love a list and crossing things off.
At church yesterday, the pastor challenged us to stop and ask God what he wants to do with our lives and how He wants to use us in 2013. In the time I spend praying, I too often forget that it's a two way conversation. I spend plenty of time telling, but not enough time asking and listening. When the pastor gave that challenge, I began to wonder the answer I would get if I really sought God for his response.
What if I chose to trust God with the areas of my life that I know I try to control? It's easy to trust him with most things, but we all have those certain things that are harder to let go of. What if I let go, really let go, of my preconceived notions about what my life should be and let God fill in the blanks? This year I am praying for a change in heart, for a life change, and the ability to relinquish all.
This year, I resolve to not resolve any more. I resolve to stop looking to myself, and ask God instead. I resolve to trust in His plan.
However you are choosing to usher in the New Year, this evening as the clock strikes 12, and tomorrow as you hang your New calendar, resolutions or not, I wish you all a joyous new year. One filled with hope, answered prayers, love, and trust. And maybe even a monologue or two that change your life. Who says that all has to be saved for holiday movie scenes anyways?
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