Unwanted Purchases.

A week before Christmas, I decided to give myself a "night in" as I am accustomed to do every few weeks. You could call it a mental health night if you so choose. I love being around friends and stay busy most nights of the week, but no matter how full my schedule gets, I can't deny that I am an introvert at heart.

In one of my favorite books, Emma, Jane Austen writes, "There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." (I am currently eying a wooden sign with that inscription for my apartment on Etsy.)

Anyways, this particular night, I felt like cooking a full meal, even though it was just for myself, so I headed to the grocery store and picked up the ingredients I needed for my recipe. On the way out, something red caught my eye. The impulse buy of the cinematic world. You know what I am talking about. Redbox.

Typically, I spend my night in with a good book, a warm blanket, and a hot drink, but I was feeling particularly tired, and, in that moment, getting lost in a movie sounded like an ideal evening (including the warm blanket and hot drink listed in my previous plan). Even better, I had a code for a "free" Redbox rental that was given as a part of a thank you Christmas gift for serving in the children's department at church. 

I love a bargain and with the word "free" ringing in my ears, I went over to the machine, scrolled through the titles, and picked what I already knew was a winner, The Lucky One, based off of one of Mr. Spark's fantastic reads.

I watched the movie, enjoyed my hot tea, and put the movie back in it's plastic case when I was done. Great, relaxing night. Case in point. No problem, right?

Wrong.

I have been keeping something from you. I have a problem. No, I'm not a druggie or an alcoholic. It's a problem of a completely different sort. I make unwanted purchases. Over and over again.

Back to my story. A couple of days later, I was packing to travel for the holidays and caught a glimpse of the plastic movie case sitting on my coffee table. I immediately realized I had forgotten to take it back and resigned to the fact that two dollars would be charged to my card. I would take it back on my way out of town. Three days later in Texas, I went to get my keys out of my purse. What did I pull out instead? That same movie case. I would take it back after Christmas Eve dinner. As the pattern would tell you, I made it back to Tulsa and by the time I realized I still had the movie, It had been 14 days, and I determined it would be better to keep the movie for 11 more days and pay the $25 pricetag Redbox puts on their movies for "those people" who never return them. I ended up paying $25 for a "free" movie rental. If you have ever wondered how Redbox makes any money, wonder no more. I just explained it to you.

Now if this was a one time occurence, it might be worth mentioning in passing, but probably not worth writing about or encouraging you to read. As it turns out, I am the owner of not one, but THREE redbox movie rentals. I won't go into the details of the two other unwanted purchases, but you can know the stories were very similar. One of the movies was ironically another Nicholas Sparks pick, however, it completely mutilated the plot of the book and insulted his writing in my opinion (I obviously don't recommend Nights in Rodanthe. The book, yes. The movie, no. I reluctantly own both). After these first two occurrences, I swore off Redbox and promised to never slide my debit card through one of their machines again. Many of you have been with me to a Redbox where I have agreed to give you a dollar bill for the movie, but refused to slide my plastic past their magnetic strip in fear of reliving my past shortcomings.

Though thoughts of those previous "incidents" crossed my mind that December night last month, I went against my better judgement, knowing my movie rental inclinations, and did it anyways.

Is renting a redbox movie bad? In itself, no. Did I pay the consequence for following the same destructive (if you can call it that) pattern over and over again? Yes.

It's so easy to look at your life and see the things you want to change, especially this time of year.

"I am going to lose weight...but it's my cousin's sister's best friend's birthday, so I'll eat a piece of that cake." "I am going to stop gossiping, but that girl is getting on my nerves and she is asking for it. We are just being honest after all, right?" "I'm going to start saving money, but it would be wrong to pass up the VS and Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual Sales. 60% off?? They are practically giving stuff away."

If we aren't actually taking the time to change our "destructive patterns", what are we really doing other than making a list in our head of an ideal individual we will never be. You will never grow into the man or woman you aspire to be or God calls you to be unless you take the steps to get there. Think about a man or woman you admire or look up to. Think about their character traits and actions. I guarantee they didn't get there unintentionally.

At my church, the sermon series has been talking about living a better story. "We can't change our past but we can take steps to determine our future." What story are you living today? Are you taking the steps to be who you want to be or are you carrying your bad habits around in your purse for weeks at a time?

Take the steps you need to take. Listen to the voice in your head telling you that you have made that mistake before. Don't make any more unwanted purchases with your life choices.  Be the you that you aspire to be. Ask God who He wants you to be. Take the steps to get there. Take the steps to live a story you would love to tell.