Change and Thankfulness.

The other day, I was looking for a notebook I could rip some paper out of when I was going to meet a friend. I found a small notebook I thought was empty and headed out the door. When I got to my car, I opened it and realized the first few pages had been used.

At the top of the page, the date read November 2011. I guess four years was enough time for me to shake recollection of this journal. The majority of the journal was blank, but the first few pages were filled. This must have been one of the numerous times I decided I would start journaling, but stopped after one entry....either that or I misplaced the notebook and started writing in another the next week. My bookshelf is home to many partially filled notebooks bought with the best intentions. Do any of you buy new work out clothes in hopes it will encourage you to work out? I buy new journals thinking it will motivate me to write. Maybe a one line a day journal will be my new years resolution this year. Maybe it will be the first new years resolution I keep (I'm trying to forget my resolutions from last year to avoid admitting they have not been completed). We'll just have to wait and see.

I started to read what my 23 year old self had written on those pages. This was roughly 5 months after I had graduated from college and 2 months after I had moved to Tulsa for my job.

"I've almost been in Tulsa for 2 months. I've been church and small group hopping, and I'm getting tired of it. I miss living in the same city as my friends. I feel a lack of direction. I know I am supposed to make disciples with my life, but how am I supposed to do that when I don't know anyone? I am drained. Looks like I am throwing myself a pity party. The message at church today was something I needed to hear. God calls us to be thankful in all circumstances. We don't have to be thankful for bad times but we need to be thankful in them. This is what I have been lacking. I chose bitterness over thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for, but have chosen not to consistently praise God. I'm changing that right now.  I have so many things to be thankful for... a house to live in, my salvation, friends who visit me, a Bible, food, a good job, clothes, family, freedom, music, Christmas, coffee, books to read, my car, Fall, changing seasons, vacation time...These are only a fraction of the things I have to be thankful for. I need to be thankful all the time. I don't want to be a bitter person. I am letting go right now and giving it all to God."

When I finished reading this, I couldn't help but smile. Turns out I only write in journals every couple of years when I am at an emotional low. But I am so glad I did. It reminded me of all the prayers God has answered in my life over the past 4 years. He has given me so many wonderful friends. Friends who pray for me, friends who laugh with me, and friends who accept me as I am. He has helped me maintain and grow my friendships out of town, too, and continue to build special memories in those parts of my life. I get to serve at church every week with little 4 year olds who always make me smile. Not only has he led me to a small group, but I now have gotten to host a wonderful group of women in a small group for almost 3 years. I have gotten the opportunity to mentor younger women and have older women pour into me. God has blessed me with a wonderful boyfriend who is better than anyone I could ever deserve. He is kind, smart, generous, handsome, funny and such a good example of how to follow Christ. Tulsa is home, and I love it here. Looking back over the past several years, I know that the memories, the stories,  and the people that flood my mind are all a testament to answered prayers and God's faithfulness.

Going into this November, it is a new season of change. Friends are moving away in the coming months, and I am the one staying this time. Change is hard, and goodbyes are even harder. However, just as much as I can look back and be thankful, I can look forward and be thankful too. I am thankful tears, because they remind me how much my friendships mean to me. I am thankful for all God is going to do in the midst of  change just as he has in the past. I don't know what change this year will bring in my life, but I am ready to see and know I can face them. In all of the unknowns, I know that God is present, and He is faithful. Whatever tomorrow holds for me, I know He has a hand in it. He hears my prayers, and He hears yours, too.

We can look forward in faith and know that God knows what he is doing and is a part of it. Stepping forward isn't so scary when we know we aren't taking our steps alone. What seems blind to us is perfectly clear to Him. This year, I am thankful for God's faithfulness in the past and for all He is going to do in the coming year in my life and in the lives of everyone around me that I love. I am thankful for the new stories the coming year will bring and the answered prayers we will see along the way.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." 2 Corinthians 2:9