I won't do it. I refuse.

It's here. The end. Well, the end of the calendar year anyways. It's time to go out with a hoorah. Tie up your loose ends. Leave your mistakes in the past. Surround yourself with those you hold dear, put on some cheesy glasses, reminisce, and make a toast that counts.

The hopeless romantic in me can't help to link most major holidays to movie scenes, and while Christmas movies take the cake, I have to give a shout out to the New Years Eve scenes that are there but are often overshadowed. For the 80's and 90's romantic comedy aficionados out there, maybe you are hoping for a passionate profession of love as the clock strikes 12 rivaling Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal's performance in When Harry Met Sally.  Or, in a more recent blockbuster, perhaps you'll end up as Lea Michele stuck in an elevator with Ashton Kutcher. Personally, I wouldn't wish that kind of  New Years Eve on you. I can think of about a thousand other people I would want to get stuck in an elevator with before Ashton. I would prefer to stick with the Billy Crystal scenario. Personal opinion. Anyways. 

Say goodbye to 2012, because despite popular belief, the Mayan Calendar interpretation marking our impending doom December 22 did not prove to be true, and tomorrow marks a new beginning. 2013.

Looking back, as any year does, 2012 held its ups and downs. My memory may not be the best, but lucky for me, I document most events in my life through photographs, allowing what my memory lacks to be filled in with digital images. 2012 marked my first full calendar year in Tulsa. People I met in 2012 are now some of the dearest friendships I hold in my heart and know I will for years to come. I said goodbye to my precious grandmother in August as she left us for her heavenly home. This year I got to celebrate my niece's 2nd birthday and my wonderful grandfather's 80th birthday (can't wait for your 79th next year). I successfully cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner with a little help from my pal Ree. I moved to an apartment by myself. I had the honor of being a part of two friend's weddings and attending even more. I started attending LifeChurch on a weekly basis. I started serving in in a class of four year olds every Sunday who now have my heart. I got to be a part of two amazing small groups, and I more recently started serving in the youth at my church. And how could I forget, as an Southern woman should, I learned to fry chicken.

As we all look back on our 364 yesterdays, we can all rest assured that tomorrow we can take our new calendar out of its wrapper, open it up, and see a fresh, blank page. The first day of a new year holds so much possibility. No regrets yet to add to this year's list. No bridges burned, no yearly weight yet gained, etc. However, as history would show it, the clock ticks, and calendar pages turn, allowing us plenty of time to fill in all those blank spaces with the ramifications of our daily decisions. How do we attempt to stop this natural process? Resolutions.

A trusty Google search brought up the most common New Years resolutions. Most of the lists included things like losing weight, being a "better person", fixing financial problems, joining a gym, enjoying life more (how vague can you get?), quitting addictive habits, etc.

I have never been one to make New Years resolutions, but I am always curious to hear what others have decided to do. I do have a bucket list, but I hardly think that counts for the same category, considering most of the things on my bucket list will not be accomplished for five or more years. If you want the details on my list, we will have to talk. You share your list with me, and I'll (maybe) share mine with you.

Back to resolutions.  A few weeks ago, as I started thinking about the upcoming year, I wondered what my resolutions would be if I made any. As I thought about it, I began to realize that even though I never  seem to have a list of "new years resolutions", I collectively throughout the year have a semblance of unnamed resolutions I carry for myself. We all have them. We set goals. We have preconceived notions of where our lives should be at certain landmark points. We see the changes we need to make in our lives on a daily basis. We decide what our lives should look like and what we "deserve" and begin to make our own path to get there.

The more I think about 2013, the more I become firm in my decision. I am not making New Year's Resolutions. I won't do it. I refuse. If I was really living my life the way I should be, I wouldn't need to resolve. Don't take this the wrong way. If you are making resolutions, I think that's great and I really do want to hear about them. My decision to not resolve lies solely in my personal recognition of my constant decision to place trust in my plans over God's. In my world, a resolution is too close of a semblance to a to do list. We all know how much I love a list and crossing things off.

At church yesterday, the pastor challenged us to stop and ask God what he wants to do with our lives and how He wants to use us in 2013. In the time I spend praying, I too often forget that it's a two way conversation. I spend plenty of time telling, but not enough time asking and listening. When the pastor gave that challenge, I began to wonder the answer I would get if I really sought God for his response.

What if I chose to trust God with the areas of my life that I know I try to control? It's easy to trust him with most things, but we all have those certain things that are harder to let go of. What if I let go, really let go, of my preconceived notions about what my life should be and let God fill in the blanks? This year I am praying for a change in heart, for a life change, and the ability to relinquish all.

This year, I resolve to not resolve any more. I resolve to stop looking to myself, and ask God instead. I resolve to trust in His plan.

However you are choosing to usher in the New Year, this evening as the clock strikes 12, and tomorrow as you hang your New calendar, resolutions or not, I wish you all a joyous new year. One filled with hope, answered prayers, love, and trust. And maybe even a monologue or two that change your life. Who says that all has to be saved for holiday movie scenes anyways?

Brown paper packages tied up with string

On Friday morning, along with the rest of my errands, I made a trip to one of my favorite places. I have a feeling this particular place may not rank high on most of your lists, especially during the holidays.

The United States Post Office.

The US establishment most love to hate. There are a few things you can be sure to find at almost any given Postal establishment during the month of December. To name a couple:
-  Foot-tapper Terry- a "Terry" will generally have several characteristics and ticks that will allow you to pick her out in the line immediately. She may or may not tap her foot, look at her watch, turn her head in every direction to make sure everyone in the front and back of the line knows how irritated she is to be waiting, and release a good number of frustrated sighs before reaching the front of the line to weigh her package and move on her way.
- Halting Harry- "Harry" is most often in line right in front of you. He reaches the front of the line, and you see the bright light at the end of the tunnel that is your wait. However, Harry forgot his debit card pin number, doesn't know the zip code he left off his package, and answers his cell phone in the middle of the check out process.

And then there's me. Post offices rank up pretty close to bookstores, libraries, and airports in my book. If you know me at all, that's saying quite a bit. Unlike a bookstore, I don't love a post office for the smell or the look, but more the general air and the actions the building facilitates.

There's not much that compares to getting something in the mail. Not an email, not a message through social media (don't even get me started on that), but a physically stamped envelope or package. Holding an envelope with a handwritten address brings a smile to my face like not much else can. I love getting mail, and I love sending it. I love the intentionality and the connectivity.

Sending and receiving mail is a dying art, as evidenced in layoffs in the industry in recent years, the rise of online bill pay, and the soaring success of social media outlets, text messaging, and smart phones. Convenience is king, and unfortunately, postal parcels don't fall under that category for most.

When I stand in line at a post office, I can't help but look around at the envelopes and packages my fellow peers in line carry. I wonder what's inside each sealed package, where it's going, and who is going to be on the receiving end.

I may not have the answers to those questions, but I do know one thing. Someone took the time and made it a priority to address an envelope or seal a box to make sure the item they are holding would be delivered to the intended recipient. Convenience goes out the window when you are standing in a line of Harrys and Terrys in my opinion. But it's more than worth it.

In general, should relationships and connections really be about convenience though? Our society seems to think so. A text message trumps a phone call which trumps an in person conversation. Almost any of those things would happen before someone would fork over a whopping 45 cents to mail a handwritten letter. I am not saying technology is bad. I use it, probably as much or more than most. That doesn't mean I love it though. Technological communication is obviously the way our society is moving. We should use it, and we almost have to in order to be a functioning member of society.

I don't think that means we have to throw out the old methods of communication though. I have been told many times, even this week, that I am an old soul, but just hear me out. Just because we can text doesn't mean we shouldn't pick up the phone to make a call every once in a while. Quality time is not replaceable by keeping up with the Browns through their Facebook timeline. And don't underestimate the ability of a handwritten letter and the effect it has on the heart.

Today after work, I went to my mailbox and was pleasantly surprised to find a hand addressed red envelope waiting for me. I immediately recognized the return address to belong to one of my dearest friends. I was a bit confused before I opened the envelope, seeing as she had already given me a Christmas card last week. However, when I opened the card, a smile immediately came to my face. She had said she knew she had already given me one Christmas card, but wanted to make sure I received one through the Postal system. Talk about intentionality.

This past week, in light of recent national tragedy, I think we all have stopped to evaluate the importance of those God has blessed us with and the fragility of time and life. Too often, I take my friendships and relationships for granted. There is so much beauty in the individuality and spirit God has placed within each of us to make us who we are.

Take time to relish that beauty in those you hold dear. Take the time to get to know those around you. Ask about their life, share in their struggles, and rejoice with them through God's blessings. Make that phone call. Ensure that quality time is a priority. Seal up that package. Share the love God has placed in your heart.

I have heard it said that life is meant to be lived. In addition, I think it is meant to be shared. Be real. Be intentional. Take the time to share love and share life. You won't regret it.

Play it again

Driving to work this past week, I realized something. I have a tick. I am a music repeater. If that isn't a thing, I just made it one.

On my daily drive, even if I put my iTunes on shuffle, I end up listening to the ten most recent songs I have purchased on repeat, skipping over all of the rest, even though they may have once made the cut. Saying there are ten songs on my driving playlist might even be too generous. It would be more accurate to say that I listen to the same five songs on repeat during my commute. Every day. They are that good.

My repeat list currently includes Florida Georgia Line "Cruise", some She & Him Christmas music, and a few acoustic nobodies I won't mention because you probably wouldn't know who I am talking about anyways. They may be nobodies to you, but everybody is somebody, and their songs make me smile so they are somebody to me. I'll save the topic of my eclectic mellow music taste for another day.

My play it again mentality carries over into other areas of my life, too. When I was growing up, I loved to watch the same movie multiple in times in one sitting. Once the movie was finished (more often than not it was the Parent Trap or a Mary-Kate & Ashley gem), I would get up, pop our the VHS tape (remember those?), put it in the rewinder, and start the process all over again. 

Even now, in the past week, I may have watched White Christmas three times, and Love Actually is on its way to the multiples list.

While listening to my current driving playlist yesterday, I started to think. What tracks am I choosing to play over and over again in my day to day life?

Too often, I get stuck on a playlist that might as well be titled "ME" (the capital letters are necessary). Some of the tracks might be titled worry, selfishness, fear, and doubt.  I am constantly reminded that with the Lord, I don't have to worry, that life is about serving others, and that I have no need to fear. However, even though I recognize these as things that shouldn't be a part of my life, I sometimes choose to leave them on repeat anyways, and soon they become the song that I sing through my actions and words.

Earlier this week, I once again was reminded that we aren't called to live life with our playlist. We are called to live life to a different tune.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thes. 5:16

Joy, Prayer, and Thankfulness.

Our natural tendency is to  be joyful when it's easy to be, pray when we feel like it or think about it, and give thanks when everything is going our way.  

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances"

As the holidays approach, it's so easy to get caught up in our own agendas, busy schedules, our shopping lists, and any stress we allow to come along with all of it. We put a big "ME" stamp on our agendas and march to the tune of a playlist we have compiled ourselves. 

What if we chose to change our perspective and our tune?

What if we felt the joy of the season, joy that can only come from the one who gave us the greatest gift of all? What if we really stopped and prayed, prayed for the world, those we know and those we don't, and prayed for God to give us His heart during the holidays and throughout the year? What if we took this time to stop and be thankful for all we have been blessed with and those we love that we are surrounded by instead of rushing through the time we have been given?

This year, especially through the holidays, I am praying for joy, a prayerful attitude, and thankfulness. I want them to be my song in my heart and lift my step.
 
The more I think about it, the more I realize what Paul was talking about. If we are truly living and dwelling in the Lord, of course we are going to rejoice always. God is always good and always present. Why wouldn't we pray continually? God answers prayers and is faithful. And once we  actually stop to realize all we have been blessed with, thankfulness should naturally flow from our mouths.

Living in the Spirit, joy, prayer, and thankfulness will become our natural tune. The perfect playlist. One we won't be able to wait to play over and over again.

in my heart.

There's something in the air. You know what I am talking about.

It comes around every year about this time.

It's the cripsness in the air. It's the twinkle in the lights. It's a glimmer of hope found in a stranger's eye.

Some call it magic. Some call it Christmas spirit. Others may even say love is in the air.

Whatever you want to call it, I believe in it, and I know it's real.

Maybe we create it, but regardless, I seem to look forward to it every year and participate in every aspect I can.

If I listed all of the things I love about the holidays, you would probably get bored and stop reading. Perhaps you already are, but if so, that's for you to know and preferably not tell me. I'll spare you and just mention a few.

The holidays warm my heart. I love the feeling of a warm drink in my hand against the cold air. Christmas lights and Bing Crosby classics make me swoon.  How can you not smile when Wallace and Davis along with the Haynes sisters set out to surprise General Waverly? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, we need to have a Christmas movie night asap). Don't even get me started on Christmas baking.

Another thing. Have you ever noticed that a room doesn't need any overhead lights once your Christmas tree is lit? Take my word for it. Light a candle, plug in the lights to your tree, and turn off the rest of the lights in your house. The feeling in your heart will tell you the rest. 

The holidays. They are in the air, in a song, and in our hearts.

I have the absolute joy of serving every week in a class 4 year olds at my church on Sunday mornings. I would have to say it's one of the highlights of my week. I have been serving for several months now, so I am familiar with most of the faces that come through the door. My Sunday morning usually consists of building a house out of legos, trying to identify the sculptures the boys build (it plays to my disadvantage that I don't have any brothers. I can hardly distinguish a Transformer and a Power Ranger), mouthing the words to kids worship songs to avoid anyone hearing my less than pitch perfect singing voice, and if I'm lucky, coloring a picture of Peter, Paul, or Jesus.

One of my favorite things about serving is the conversations I get to have. Some of the things the kids say catch me off guard, some make me laugh or smile, and some put my life back into perspective. A comment made this past Sunday left me with the latter.

Each week we read a Bible story and then ask questions about it. This week, we began talking about the Christmas story and angels coming to tell Mary and Joseph that Mary would have a baby and was to name him Jesus. As you can imagine, this wasn't the first time I had heard this story, so I didn't think much about it.

When we got to the questions, I read "Who is the greatest Christmas gift of all?" All the kids yelled "JESUS" in unison, but that wasn't it. One boy in particular looked over at me, touched his heart and said, "Jesus is in my heart."

Though we kept going with the lesson, my mind stopped. He had nailed it right on the nose. The greatest gift of all is deep in our hearts. He's not a feeling. He's not a passing breeze or a month on a calendar. He is in our hearts. Now and always.

Once the tree comes down, the crisp air slips away, and MIX96 starts playing regular music again, one thing doesn't change. God gave us a gift. He is there, and if we have accepted Him, He is in our hearts.

I believe in Christmas magic. I believe in that warm feeling you get when singing a Christmas Carol. But most of all, I believe in the one gift I know to be true. The real reason for the season. He is in our hearts.

What are you waiting for?

Today is Friday, November 16. One week from today marks a calendar block filled in on a yearly basis for many American shoppers. Black Friday. Once the turkey is carved and the pie is sliced, countless shoppers make their way to their favorite superstore (or the like) and get in line to wait.

 

I have to admit, I usually take part in this somewhat ridiculous tradition. Maybe it’s the crisp air, maybe it’s the anticipation, but there’s some kind of thrill to be found in standing in line with hundreds of people waiting outside a store at midnight to fight over items that probably were never on our shopping lists to begin with to save probably less than 5 dollars.

My mom is a great sport as I usually bring her along with me to fight the black Friday crowds. A couple of years ago, ashamedly, we ended up at Walmart at midnight in a line an hour long to buy a box of Tupperware we picked up on impulse. We knew we didn’t need it but somehow felt we needed to make a purchase to justify standing in a human stampede in the middle of the night. Regardless, we held our box, got in line, and we waited.

I have met very few people that love to wait in a line. However, (as someone who loves to shop) I have adopted the perspective that lines are an inevitable part of the shopping experience.  As with anything in life, you have 2 choices: to relish the moment and enjoy it for what it is or complain and wallow until the situation you are in passes. I relish time waiting in line. I always joke with my mom that it is “quality time” we have been blessed with to spend together.

What are you waiting for? Whether you are standing in a line at Best Buy on Black Friday or pressing on toward the next chapter of your life, our lives are full of  “lines to wait in”.

I have been retrospective lately. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s the change of the seasons or maybe its just my tendency in general.  As a result, I have spent many evenings reading back through old journals and flipping through old picture albums.

By chance last night, I opened to the back of the front cover of a journal I started using right after graduation from college. There, I had written a verse. It said:

“Live life then with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who don’t know the meaning and purpose of life, but as those who do. Make the best use of your time, despite all the evils of these days. Don’t be vague but grasp firmly to what you know to be the will of the Lord.” –Ephesians 5:15-17.

What are you waiting for? While we are waiting for our lives to start, we are missing out on this very moment we have been given to live, a breath to take in, and an opportunity to make a difference.

It’s so easy to fool ourselves into thinking life will be so much easier once we reach that moment we have been waiting for. God’s Will will suddenly become clear and THEN we will be able to live out the purpose He has called us to.

However, at the stage we are at in our lives right now (whatever that may be), we decide that God’s will is hard to decipher, we decide that we know what is best for our lives so that is obviously what God is going to provide us with, we adopt the “grass is greener on the other side” philosophy, and we wait for God to turn the grass he has given us to stand on to the shade of green we are longing for.

What kind of a life are we setting ourselves up for? Probably exactly the kind of life the enemy would love for us to live. If we are sitting and waiting, we aren’t acting, doing, and loving. God has called us to live life. Not only that, we are called to make the best use of our time and to not live like those who don’t know the meaning and purpose of life.

So often, I act like I don’t know the purpose. I am waiting for it to become clear and then I will start living. I forget that God has already given me purpose. He has given us all purpose as his followers. We are called to love others and share God’s love and message with those around us.

How simple is that? So simple that we overlook it. We trick ourselves into thinking that we need a high paying job, a white picket fence, a perfect relationship, and no problems before we can even think about trying to live out the purpose God has for us.

When Paul wrote those words, he was sitting in prison in chains. I don’t know about you, but my “life tragedies” seem like a walk in the park compared to this. Paul could have sat in chains, wallowed in self-pity, and waited to be set free so he could continue on with his God given calling. I wouldn’t blame him. Would you? But no, he didn’t wait. He continued to live. He wrote letters encouraging his friends in the places he was ministering to. He lived his life.

Sure there are things to look forward to in life, and I honestly believe those things can be blessings from the Lord. However, there is a big difference between looking forward to something and halting your life and waiting for it.

What are you waiting for? Live your life. Use all of that “quality time” God has given you. Don’t wait. Be Prayerful. Make the most of every opportunity.

Live. Love. Share. Embrace this life. Embrace this moment. You won’t get it back. Relish the moments in line.

And if you can’t stand the wait in the line next Friday, just wait a few days. Cyber Monday will be just around the corner.

Shameless Plug: Unglued

If you know me very well by now, you will know that I love a good read. There’s not much that compares to a bookstore or a library (especially one that smells of freshly ground coffee). The two-story half-priced books in Dallas always makes my list on trips home. I love the binding. I love the smell. I love the pages. I love the words.

There are books that make me laugh, books that make me cry, and ones that never fail to bring a smile to my face no matter how many times I have perused their pages.

And then, there are those books that completely turn my world upside down. This is one of them. 

A few months ago, I attended a women’s event at my church where a message by Lysa Terkeurst was broadcasted to our church’s different campuses. She spoke on women’s emotions and the way we react to different situations and different types of people. The topics she was speaking about were from a book she had recently published titled Unglued.

The thought crossed my mind to go buy the book. She was a great speaker. She made me laugh, and I left feeling challenged. However, the thought slipped away, and I forgot about my intended trip to the bookstore. A few weeks later I was perusing through Instagram, and an image of the book popped up on my feed.

Now, I need to be completely transparent with you. I may or may not follow the majority of the Bachelor and Bachelorette participants (past and present) on Twitter and Instagram. Emily Maynard may have been the one plugging the book on Instagram through her post. And that may have been the final straw that caused me to go buy the book. Glad that’s off my chest.

Regardless of what caused me to purchase this book, I am so glad I did.

Lysa Terkeurst is like a true friend that isn’t afraid to give you a good slap in the face when you need it. If you are looking for good honest truth, weaved in with scripture, this is a book for you.

If I am being truly honest, honesty probably isn’t what I am looking for most of the time. I would much prefer for you to tell me the things I am doing well, the right things I have said at the right time, and shower me with comforting words.

However, what I want isn’t always what I need. Like Lysa says in this book, “Knowing what you need doesn’t always translate into wanting what you need.” If one of you confronted me with the things in this book, I probably would have gotten defensive, offended, and interrupted you before you had the chance to finish. Luckily, Lysa is a stranger (is it ok that I feel like we are on a first name basis after reading this book?).  There was no way for me to interrupt her. And each moment I became defensive, she met me with scriptural truth. Who can argue with that? Lysa tells the truth in love, confronts honest emotions all women deal with, and tells it like it is.

The book confronts the topics of soul integrity, a woman’s daily battle with emotions, and the difference between Godly honesty and our “honesty”.

If you are a woman or know a woman, you can’t tell me that emotions aren’t a huge part of our make-up. I think most would consider me to be a fairly even keeled person. Even so, I would be lying to say that emotions aren’t a struggle. Whether they are about a conversation we had or something that someone didn’t say but should have, emotions are emotions. And most often they are there even if we don’t want them to be. 

So often, we have an experience, the emotions flood in, and we just run with it. We justify the way we feel saying that we are just being honest. We try to win others over to our side so we can dive further into the emotional pit we have created.

Reality check. (courtesy of Lysa Terkeurst)

“My honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation…Honesty that isn’t true isn’t honesty at all. We need Godly honesty.”

 James 3:17 says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

My emotional reactions would drastically change if I matched them up with the Godly honesty described in this verse.

Is my emotion pure?

Is it peace loving?

Is it considerate?

Is it submissive?

Is it full of mercy and good fruit?

Is it impartial and sincere?

If I took the things that I dwell on and tried to match them with the characteristics on this list, I often would be able to check off two or less. Before I get down on myself I need to remember another truth. Another topic Lysa discusses in this book is imperfect progress. It’s not wrong to have emotions. God gave them to us for a reason. However, we choose the way we react following them in our daily lives. I am a work in progress as we all are.

I am thankful that the Lord takes me as I am, emotions and all. I am thankful for people who aren’t afraid to speak Godly honesty and truth into my life. I am thankful for imperfect progress. I am reminded every day that I am nothing without the Lord. I am a sinful, selfish, and emotionally driven person on my own. Thankfully, none of us have to walk alone. With the Lord, we have the opportunity to turn our emotions, thoughts, and actions to bring glory to the Him. He is there to pick us up and teach us every step of the way.

Ladies, read this book. You won’t regret it. I promise. Here's the link. Now you have no excuse. 

http://www.amazon.com/Unglued-Making-Choices-Midst-Emotions/dp/0310332796/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352486926&sr=8-1&keywords=unglued+lysa+terkeurst

Sunrises, Sunsets, and Rearview Mirrors

I love the morning. I love everything about it. Yes, I am one of those people.

One of morning's most redeeming qualities in my opinion is the sunrise. Sometimes in college, I would wake up before the sun, and drive to Lake Overhulser (anyone who lives in Oklahoma City probably knows this wasn't the wisest decision) and would park, wait, and watch. Lake Hefner would have been a better option, given Lake O's distinctive odor and homeless population. However, there was not a great east facing lake overlook at Hefner, at least not one I could successfully navigate to alone. For those 30 minutes, as the sun started to rise, my world stopped, and everything was perfect.

On the way to work last week, the timing was nearly perfect to catch the sunrise each morning. As I would begin my drive I would have a perfect picture right in front of me. Everything inside of me wanted to stop my car, get out, and take a picture. Typical right? However, 7:30 am traffic turns out to not be the best place to pull over to the side of the road, given the overall risk factor and the looming stares one would receive (stares from anyone are in themselves enough to produce a nightmare in my opinion). So, reluctantly, I drove on and made my turn onto the highway.

For a moment I was sad the sunrise was no longer in my view. However, something caught my eye. It was my rearview mirror. The beautiful picture that was once in front of me was now visible in my mirror as I drove away.

As I drove, I started to think there was much less beauty in the direction I was facing. The east was bright and hopeful, but the direction I was driving seemed bleak in comparison. All I had left was a rearview mirror image, which in reality I shouldn't have been staring at instead of the road in front of me.

Nevertheless, this got me thinking. While I absolutely love the beauty held in the eastern sunrise, the west holds something completely different. The sunset appears at a different time but is more than often just as or more beautiful than the sunrise the sky held the morning before.

My view was all in my perspective and in patience. I could look in my rearview mirror and be reminded of the beauty behind me, but continue to look forward knowing what would eventually appear in the direction I was facing.

Often, we do the same thing in life. We experience a moment that takes our breath away, makes us want to stop and take a snapshot, and then we watch it drift away in our rearview. The moment slips into the past, but often we can't stop staring back convinced that there couldn't possibly be anything of equal or greater value ahead of us in the future.

We don't have enough faith and don't believe in the hope that God has promised to lay out in front of us. We hold on to past good, grovel in our present, and assume there is nothing on the road ahead.

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future."

Promises are one of my favorite things in Scripture. This may be one of the most quoted and most overlooked promises in the Bible. Whether you have graduated from kindergarten or from a doctorate program, this was probably inscribed on one (or ten) greeting cards you received (right next to your "Oh the Places You Will Go" sentiments from Dr. Seuss).

We read this verse. We quote it. We use it to encourage others.

But do we really live like we believe it ourselves?

God promises that he has plans for us. Not only does he have a plan. He promises hope for our future. Here God ensures that there is good ahead, not just behind. That doesn't mean we shouldn't count and continue to thank the Lord for our past blessings. However, when these come to our sight in our rearview, we shouldn't stare so long that we forget there is a long stretch of road in front of us, a life to live, and rays of hope promised from the Lord waiting for those who are patient ahead.

I am thankful that God chose to not only give us a sunrise, but also a sunset. There is beauty both in front of and behind us each and every day. We have memories and rearview mirrors to remind us of the blessings we have already received, but we can confidently move forward to the vast future in front of us knowing there are countless sunsets and immeasurable hope to behold on the road ahead.

Turn around when possible.

A couple of weeks ago, I moved about four miles from where I used to live. I have driven to my job every day for the past year and know exactly where it is on a map. I know how to get there…from my old house.

On Monday, I got into my car, turned up my Frank Sinatra Pandora station, and headed toward the highway. I saw a sign to get on going south and confidently pulled into that lane. I got on the highway and drove for about 2 miles, and then it hit me. Downtown is north of where I live. I was driving south. What’s even worse is that I had pulled up directions on my phone before I left for work. I just didn’t pay enough attention to them.

If you have ever ridden in the car with me, you will know this is a regular occurrence. When you get into my car, not only are you a passenger, but you have stepped into the role of sole navigator. I will most likely ask you which way to turn at every intersection until we reach our destination. If I try to make a turn on my own without asking you, assume I am wrong and correct me. If you didn’t know your responsibility before,  you do now. If you can’t handle it, you might want to hitch a ride elsewhere or accept that we will have to turn around at least 2 times per destination.

Thank goodness for iPhone maps. Without them, I would never get anywhere, at least not in a timely manner. Before my iPhone, I relied solely on my Tom-Tom. He (yes, he) wasn’t as forgiving as my iPhone. Every time I took a wrong turn, the screen began to flash, and Tom (in his British voice) would frantically tell me, “Turn around when possible” over and over again until I corrected my mistake. Tom needed to learn a lesson on patience, and I apparently needed to learn one on city mapping. 

Many of you I’m sure would assume that it is possible for anyone to pick up a sense of direction over time. I don’t like to point fingers, but I’m going to do it anyways. You are wrong. I have an innate ability to get lost and I am reminded of it on a daily basis.

Don’t we all though? Each of us on our own is prone to getting lost and making the wrong turns at life’s intersections.

Isaiah 64:6 "We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind."

Each of us is born with a sin nature. We have an innate ability to get lost. 

Isaiah 53:6 "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way."

Galatians 5:19-21  "When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures,  idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,  envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God."

That’s quite a list. When I stop and look at it though, I would be lying to say I have not seen something on that list evidenced it my life. We are all guilty and succumb to making wrong choices and wrong turns.

The good news is we don’t have to remain lost in our transgressions. We are provided a way out.

Ephesians 2:8-9 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Through following Christ in faith, not only are we saved, but we are given the ultimate navigator to walk through life with us. This navigator gives us countless tools to help us make the right turns when life’s directions become a little bit fuzzy: The Holy Spirit, Scripture, prayer, mentors, and a body of believers to name a few.

However, even with directions clearly laid out in front of us and a navigator consistently in our passenger seat, too often, we still turn the wrong way. We head south knowing that the correct destination is north.

Have you ever knowingly gone a different direction than you know God had intended for you? If you have, you probably have heard a still small voice saying, “Turn around when possible.” This voice isn’t always audible. It’s forgiving, subtle, and patient.

Sometimes we choose to turn down the volume or ignore it completely and continue on our way. However, like on my gps, the warning signal will not disappear and the correct path will not be shown until I choose to follow the roadmap in front of me.

Are you following the roadmap placed in front of you, or are you succumbing to your innate ability to get lost? We are given the tools, and we have the map. We just have to heed what they say.

Even though I make wrong turns both physically and spiritually, I always have the opportunity to turn around.

I am thankful today for grace, and I am thankful for that still, small voice. Also, I am thankful I don’t hear God’s voice in an angry British accent.

“Turn around when possible.” The abounding grace and joy found only in the Lord is waiting in the path he has provided for you.

Change

As many of you may well know, Fall is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. The colors, the smells, the crisp air, boots, sweaters, warm drinks.  The list could go on and on.

I think one of the main things I love about this season is the undeniable change. Summers heat drags on and on (sorry to all you summer lovers) until one day, there is an unmistakable change in the air. I can taste it. I can smell it. I can feel it in the depths of my heart.

Leaves change from green (or brown here in Oklahoma) to beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. I can’t help but stop and stare. I long for the day each year I get to go on a walk and walk through a pile of fallen leaves.  I would give a limb for a pumpkin spice latte (ok maybe not, but I would give a lot).

I swoon over fall. I love the change.

Over the past few weeks, along with the change in the air, I’ve been thinking about the changes in my life.

Despite loving change in choice of latte flavors at Starbucks, when it comes to my life, I typically loathe change. Change usually involves decisions, which I loathe even more. I’ll save that for another day.

This week marked one year I have lived in Tulsa. 365 days. Looking back, I can’t believe how much my life has changed in the past year. A year ago I knew one person in Tulsa. I didn’t know how to get anywhere. And I was terrified I made the wrong decision to move.

I changed homes, roommates, cities, and jobs. Can you say change overload?

Not much about my life is the same as it was a year ago. Twelve months ago, I would have told you that was a bad thing. However, as it turns out, my heart has changed as well.

Along with the inevitable change, I made the choice to adapt. I learned more about myself than I thought was possible and saw sides of myself that were hard to face. I learned to grow, and more importantly how to trust in the Lord when it seemed I had nothing else. Funny how easy it is to trust in God when you have a constant physical support system around you, isn’t it?

I saw God answer so many prayers this past year, not in my timing or with the answers I was looking for, but with the perfect touch of His hand.

The last Sunday before I moved in my Sunday school class, I remember asking my class to pray I would make friends in Tulsa. This probably seemed like a silly prayer request to my friends in OKC, but this was something I was terrified of. I was leaving the best friends I had ever had and had been surrounded by for 5 years.

A few weeks ago, I was looking back in a prayer journal and saw I had written this down. When I read it, I couldn’t help but smile. The Lord is faithful. Over the past year, God has brought so many incredible people into my life. Amazing friends, accountability, and an amazing church family. I am surrounded by people I look up to, respect, trust, can laugh with, and learn from each and every day. He answered my little prayer in a bigger way than I could have imagined and in a way I by no measure deserve. Did this answer come the first day I moved? No.

However, as always, God's timing is impeccable and perfect. I learned to step out of my box, I learned to be patient, and I learned to rest in the Lord’s presence. Friends are only one of countless blessings and answers to prayers I have seen over the past year.

Despite the change that has occurred in my life over the past year, I have learned that some things never change.

·      I don’t deserve any of the blessings the Lord has provided me with. I never will. I am inadequate when I try to stand on my own two feet. By grace I live.  By grace I breathe. By grace I am saved.

·      God is always present. He is the ultimate comforter,

·      There is always room to grow, spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

·      Prayer is essential and fruitful. I believe with my whole heart that God wants to show us how big He is, but He wants us to ask.

·      God’s plan for my life is bigger than anything I can understand. We are all a part of a bigger story, and we are called to live moment by moment trusting that God has our best for His good in mind.

Last but not least, I learned that there will always be change. Good or bad, expected or unexpected, change happens every day. Without change there would be no growth. Without growth, we would never step out of our box. And without stepping out of our box, we might miss out on the opportunities God places in front of us every day to share his love with the world around us.

I welcome change. A good latte and an autumn walk warm my heart. More importantly, the joy that comes from reflecting on blessings from the Lord is immeasurable. Change is good. The vastness of love and compassion the Lord has for each of us on His journey is unfathomable.

Heaven according to Julia.

One of my favorite parts of traveling is the people I get to meet along the way. I am not a huge fan of air travel (the taking off, being in the air, and landing part get me), but plane conversation makes up for the majority of my airbound phobias.

Most of my travel over the past year has been on Southwest, and as all of you frequent flyers know, this lovely airline offers open seating. Open seating offers many perks. It offers the opportunity for those traveling in groups to find seats together and the chance to snag that coveted window seat.

Open seating also leaves much to be questioned. Most of my travel over the past year has been alone, and I usually forget to check in early enough online. By the time I get on the plane, I am left with a choice of countless middle seats on the plane and get to scan my options of pairs of people to be sandwiched between for the duration of the trip.

My luck has varied in airplane seating, with the best involving a grandmother sharing her ginger snaps  and the worst involving a sniffling middle aged man and me holding my breath half of the flight to avoid contracting the flu.

This time, I walked onto the plane and took the first open seat I saw. Three rows from the front. Between and older lady and a ten year old girl. Quick and easy exit after landing. Prime real-estate in the air travel world.

I quickly found out the lady to my right wanted her privacy and kept her nose buried in her Better Homes and Garden Magazine. To my left, however, was Julia.

A few minutes into the flight, I learned that Julia was ten years old and traveling back home alone after visiting her dad and her step-mom, and step siblings for a month in Dallas. Julia and I quickly bonded over her love for Lizzie McGuire and the pink flower stickers on her portable cd player. I knew I was in when she introduced me to her oversized stuffed penguin who she affectionately calls "Mr. Popper's Penguins" (yes, that is his whole name).

Throughout the flight, Julia told me all about her dogs, showed me each of her 15 scars, and told me her 18 favorite colors (some of which I had never heard of).

About halfway through the flight, I looked over and Julia was staring out the window. She tapped on my arm, and told me to look out the window at the clouds. The clouds were beautiful, but I was more awestruck by the conversation that followed with this bright-eyed ten year old.

As Bill Cosby says, kids say the darndest things. But really, I think they say some of the most profound, too.

Julia looked straight at me and said, "How far do you think you have to go up above the clouds to get to heaven?"

I paused to think about my answer and not knowing exactly what to say, I told her I wasn't sure and then asked her what she thought heaven would be like.

She smiled a big smile looking out the window and said, "I think its going to be really big, really beautiful, and all golden. Everyone there will be SO happy because there will be no darkness at all. If anyone is unhappy, God will take them with him so they can learn to be like an angel."

Julia then asked me if her stuffed penguin would get to go to heaven with her. I told her I didn't know, but she assured me she was going to ask God and Jesus to let Mr. Popper's Penguins in because it would make her happy.

Julia got me thinking. What will heaven really be like? When I looked it up, there were too many verses to post, but so many that mirrored what my new friend Julia said.

• Revelation 21: 18  ^"The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass"
• Revelation 21:^{21 "}The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass."
• Revelation 21: 11  ^"It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal."
• Revelation 21: 4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
• Revelation 7:17 "For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

I asked Julia where she learned about heaven. Judging by some of the things she told me, I wasn't sure she had been brought up in church. She looked out the window at the clouds and told me that she just knew. 


I think heaven will be all the things Julia said and more. Looking around at God's creation here on earth takes my breath away. I can't imagine the magnitude of beauty and glory that will surround us one day in heaven. I'm sure its one of those "you have to be there to get it" kind of things. The thing is though, we don't have to get it now. Like little Julia said, we can just know.

One day, we will get to stand in the glory of the Lord in heaven. And I can only hope little Julia will be standing right there beside me. (maybe a certain stuffed penguin too).

The Terminal.

Right now, I am sitting in an airport terminal, a place I have become quite familiar with over the past year of my life. I have been on 14 flights in the past ten months. 14 boarding passes, and 14 times getting patted down in airport security (you think I would be flagged in the system by now. I look so threatening ha!).

I love people watching. Some places merit better results than others. State Fairs and Walmart are at the top of my list, but airports come in easily 3rd on my list, but for completely different reasons. I affirm, and will continue to, that there is a certain group of people (at least in the south) that only come out of their homes to got to two places: the State Fair, and Walmart.

The airport on the other hand holds a slightly less diverse group of individuals, but one that in some ways enthralls me even more.

I always have been a rule follower, and as a result, arrive at the airport promptly 2 hours before my flight. Whoever made this "rule" probably lives in a big city like NYC or Chicago. They probably have never heard of Tulsa, and therefore didn't make an exception to the rule (which is often needed). Today as always, I walked straight to the Southwest counter with no wait, got my boarding pass, and walked straight to airport security where I once again made it my goal to make the TSA workers smile (There's something satisfying about watching someone's face turn from a grimace to a smirk).

I checked each of those off my list in less than 15 minutes and find myself sitting in the terminal with an hour and a half and nothing to do but watch.

Every few minutes, a large group of people walks by from their incoming flight, rushing off to their destination. Where are they going? Are they visiting? Are they going home? Are they getting on another flight? Are they on business? Have they been on more than 14 flights this year?

Each passenger has a different story and different destination. I would give anything to know what that is. I am sitting with a group of give or take 75 people who I will spend two hours in an enclosed space with, most of whom I won't speak to, and two who I will share an armrest with.

Two people in particular caught my eye on the way into the airport today. When I was walking in, a couple was standing by the car, saying their goodbyes. The boy was still wiping tears from his eyes as he picked up his boarding pass inside. It broke a little piece of my heart even though I had no idea what his story was. I don't know where he was going or why he was leaving and probably never will.

He too is probably sitting in a terminal waiting for his flight.

Coming and going. Getting there quickly. Less hastle. That's what air travel is all about right? So many times we look at life the same way. We make our to do lists and seek the most efficient way to check everything off of our lists. The less interaction the better.

We hardly ever stop to see the stories that are happening all around us. Between all the coming and going, what are we missing out on? Maybe nothing. Maybe something.

I read a quote earlier this week that said this:

“Stop and take your time to notice things and make those things you notice matter.” 

Boarding number A 59. Its just a number and a letter, a seat on a plane. A list of to do's. Just words and numbers. While those letters, numbers, and words help us accomplish the things we "need to", maybe looking in between the words, letters, and numbers are the moments that will truly make a difference. 

Heaven in a Bowl

Usually I am a Food Network Junkie. Paula Dean. Ree Drummond. Racahel Ray. These are my go to's.

While these ladies usually take the cake in recipes, this week, Pinterest came in first in a landslide.

A simple search for fruit dip gave me a recipe that will stay in the top of my books for years to come.

Heaven in a bowl. Better than {you fill in the blank}. The fruit dip that changed my life. Okay, maybe that's a tad dramatic, but seriously. I've made plenty of fruit dips before, but I will never make any of the others ever again. Get your grocery list and pen ready stat and get ready for a heavenly experience. You'll thank me later.

{Disclaimer. If you aren't making this for a large group, I recommend halving the ingredients. Or be forced to dig in with a spoon and eat more than you ever intended to. I speak from experience}

{Brown Sugar Fruit Dip}

Source: (Sami Cameron, Corpus Christi, Texas, Southern Living, JULY 2007)

Yield: 3 1/2 cups

Ingredients:

1/2 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
1 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup coffee liqueur {I replaced this with 1/3 cup of heavy whipping cream}
1 cup frozen whipped topping, thawed
assorted fruits

Method:
Beat brown sugar and cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Add sour cream, vanilla, and coffee liqueur, beating until smooth. Fold in whipped topping. Cover and chill 4 hours. Sprinkle top of the dip with brown sugar garnish, if desired. Serve with fruit. Strawberries, pineapple, and grapes are really good with this dip.

{Indulge}

Confession: I stop at green lights.

-->

The other day I was driving down the road, came to an intersection and pushed on my breaks until I came to a complete stop. Normal right? I thought so too. I pulled out my phone, checked an email (maybe I shouldn’t admit that…to my credit, the car was stopped), and waited.

I soon came to realize what the car behind me already had. The light in front of me wasn’t red, nor had it been when I had stopped. It was as green. Green as grass. Kelly green. You get the picture.

If this was an anomaly, it wouldn’t be worth mentioning. However, if you have been in the car with me driving a handful of times, you probably have experienced a similar scenario, except the one with you in the car eliminates the obnoxious honk from another car and is replaced by you giving me a perplexed look and trying to tell me the light is green without hurting my feelings.

Lucky for you, I’m not very sensitive about my driving. I have come to grips with the fact that I am and probably always will be that driver that inspires a honk or unsolicited raise of the middle finger. I don’t mean to be, but reality is reality, and it’s time to embrace it.

Looking back, my drivers-ed instructor told me I would give other drivers road rage, not necessarily because I was driving badly, but that’s just the way it was. Please also note he was also from a country where women didn’t drive and he freely told me he wished he could impose those same restrictions on American drivers and that I was lucky he passed me on my driving test considering I am not a man. Obviously, I’m not sure I trust his opinion on everything, but apparently there was some validity in some things he said.

Red and green lights exist in so many parts of our lives. God gives us opportunities to serve him each and every day. He’s right there at each intersection showing us the way. We just have to take the steps to look, listen, and act. In a message at church a couple of weeks ago, the pastor said something that stood out to me. “Delayed obedience is disobedience.” 

Confession. I stop at green lights. I don’t always mean to, and I eventually press on the gas and move forward, but I still am guilty of stopping.

Thankfully, God has a lot more mercy than fellow drivers on the road. God never once has given me the finger, honked a horn at me, or whatever the God-like equivalent would be (I’m not sure what that is and don’t think I want to find out.)

Sometimes I take God’s mercy for granted. I choose to sit in the intersection, and not look up at the lights God is trying to show me. If I choose not to listen or look for the opportunities God is trying to give me, I somehow feel like they aren’t my responsibility. I stare at my phone, check my emails, live my life etc., so often never even glancing up to see what God blatantly places right in front of me. Its easy to say we are willing to move when God calls us to do something, but nearly impossible to follow through if we won’t even open our eyes to see where he is directing us.

I am so thankful God has placed so many wise people in the passenger seat throughout my life to give me that gentle nudge I need to see the obvious. Friends, family, mentors, and countless other people have played that role and let God use them to speak His wisdom into my life. I’m so thankful God doesn’t call us to drive through life alone.

As for you, thanks for sitting in my passenger seat. Thanks for pointing out the green lights God is giving me. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers. Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for not flipping me off.

And for all of you drivers out there on the Oklahoma roads, have a little mercy next time someone isn’t pressing on the gas when the light turns green. Chances are, the car horn on your Honda Civic probably isn’t nearly as intimidating as you think it is anyways :)

A Million Miles, 6 Billion People, and a Story Worth Living

I love a good story. Whether it’s listening to a friend or getting lost in the pages of a book, stories always seem to draw me in. I love to listen and always have. When I read a book, even though the author isn’t sitting right there, I get lost in each word like they were sitting there right in front of me. If I skip over a paragraph or skim part of a book, I almost feel guilty for not hearing the whole thing out. Silly, I know.

Some stories are obviously more exciting than others, while others have the ability to make you want to go into self induced coma to avoid having to listen to/read one more sentence of a seemingly meaningless monologue.

I am always surprised at the stories I love the most. A few months ago, I finished reading the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. If you haven’t read it, I won’t ruin it for you, but go read it now so we can talk about it. I COULD NOT put it down until I finished. If someone had told me I would love reading a book about, to put it bluntly, child sacrifice in a future society after nuclear war, I would have laughed at them. None of those subject matters are my cup of tea. A good friend told me to read the series and loaned me the books. I am so glad I trusted her opinion. Suzanne Collins drew me in. It was the story: the characters, the emotions… everything.

What is it about stories that draws us in, makes us hold our breaths, and feel what others are feeling so deeply? Last week, I finished reading a book called, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. (yes, I read a lot) A few months back, I was having a conversation with a dear friend about post-grad life, the future, and finding meaning in our day-to-day lives. She stopped me mid-sentence, and told me there was a book I had to read. She then started her car, and offered to drive me to Barnes and Noble. She was serious. B&N let me down and was out of Miller’s book. Thank goodness for Amazon.

With a title so vague, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I soon realized why my friend insisted I read it. I am not one to spoil a book before you read it, so read on, then log onto Amazon, and read it for yourself. Basically the author of the book was approached by movie producers who wanted to make a movie based around his life. This offer makes Miller examine the elements that make up a good story, the story he had been living, and the story he needed to live to be one worth telling. In a long string of events including a bike trip across America, falling in love, and treks to other countries, Miller comes to the conclusion that life isn’t always about the outcome of the story, but the transformation that takes place within us along the way.

We are all living a story. We decide what goes on the pages next, and have no one to blame for writing a boring story than ourselves. At one point in the book, Miller made the observation that so many people say that life is meaningless, but really they are saying that their life is meaningless and pushing that generalization on everyone else.

Sometimes it seems easier to sit and think about all the things we want and want to accomplish instead of stepping outside of our doors to actually make those things happen.

Action increases the possibility of conflict, and who wants that? I am the first person to tell you that conflict makes me cringe, and I would do almost anything to avoid it. As Miller says in his book, “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life … the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.” It’s those conflicts and moments of self-examination that help form us into who we are and need to be. The struggles are worth it to reach the outcome.

The good new is, first of all, that no one is writing a movie about my life.  Secondly, the better news is that we aren’t living our stories alone. One of my favorite quotes from the book says this:

“I am a tree in a story about a forest, and it is arrogant of me to believe any differently. The story of the forest is better than the story of the tree.”

A few days after I finished the book, I had déjà vu doing my daily hw for my LifeGroup Beth Moore Bible Study. There was a quote listed from How to Read the Bible for All it’s Worth stating this: “The story they tell is not so much our story as it is God’s story, and it becomes ours as he writes us into it."

I am but one person among billions on the earth. That fraction is miniscule but the whole is almost unfathomable. The whole wouldn’t be possible without each part. God has given us all a part to play in His story and wants to transform each of us along the way. Its crazy to think that the Creator of the universe chose to write me (quirks and all) into His story.

The way I see it, there is no better choice than to embrace the place God has given me in His story. There is purpose in everything, given that God has a purpose for His story and for us as we are a part of it.

Get up off your couch and go live the life you have been given. Be a part of the story. Make mistakes, learn to love, and be transformed by all that God has waiting for you. At least open a new web page and order this book. It’s worth it. I promise.